By: Dr. Paul Schwartz  Orig. Date: 02/01/2003

 By: Dr. Paul Schwartz  Orig. Posted: 05/01/2004

Paul Schwartz, Ph.D., is a Professor of Psychology and Education at Mount Saint Mary College in Newburgh. His child behavior column appears each month in Capital District & Hudson Valley Parent magazines.

Why does your adolescent, who just a few years ago never cared what he looked like when he left the house, now never pass up a mirror without making a major style adjustment? What happened to the little girl who talked to you about everything, but who now feels nobody – especially you – could possibly understand what she is going through? When did the discovery of a Monday morning pimple become justification to stay home from school?

These are all common scenarios that occur as a byproduct of your adolescent's newfound advanced thinking ability and the new form of self-centeredness or egocentrism that accompanies it.

Most parents are acutely aware of how self-absorbed their young children can be. As a child grows into adolescence, however, this egocentrism becomes very different from it was in childhood. Unlike the egocentrism of preschoolers, which is based on concrete problems, adolescent egocentrism concerns more abstract thoughts and problems.

One aspect of the newly developed thinking ability of adolescence is called metacognition, the capacity to think about thinking. The development of metacognition allows the adolescent to not only think about his or her own thoughts, but also to think about the thoughts of others. When this ability first develops the adolescent has difficulty differentiating between his own thoughts and the thoughts of others.

This newly developed way of thinking includes the capacity to engage in introspection and the resulting, increased self-consciousness. This enhanced way of thinking plays an important role in self-examination, a major developmental task of this period and an important skill that helps the adolescent to develop a clear, consistent identity. This advanced introspection leads the adolescent toward long periods of self-absorption, which in the long run serves him well with the tasks of identity development and decision-making, but often results in initial egocentric problems.

What makes up the adolescent's mind

According to noted psychologist David Elkind, adolescent egocentrism has two distinct components: the imaginary audience and the personal fable.

The imaginary audience is a result of the adolescent's limited capacity to differentiate between their thinking about themselves and their thinking about the thoughts of others. Simply stated – the adolescent is so consumed with her own thoughts she believes every one else must be as consumed with them as well. This phenomenon makes the adolescent excruciatingly self-conscious.

One morning when my son Jesse was about 14, we had both overslept and I had to drive him to school. In our rush to get ready he yelled to me "Where are my Cavariccis?" (The current fad in adolescent pants). We finally found them wet in the washing machine. When I asked him to find some other pants, he looked at me as if I was from another planet, telling me unequivocally that to go to school in other than his "Cavariccis" would be tantamount to social ostracism. Do you know how long it takes for a pair of pants to dry when you are waiting? Adolescents are like imaginary stage performers exaggerating the extent to which they believe others think about them, feeling each day they are going out to meet a captive audience. It is an "audience" as the adolescent feels they are the center of attention. It is "imaginary" as others are not as preoccupied with the adolescents as they believe.

The excessive need for privacy during adolescence is one way the youngster gets out of the limelight and the self-scrutiny, criticism and even shame that this imaginary audience sometimes produces. Remember your early adolescence – how long did you prepare for your audience, and what couldn't you leave the house without? As David Elkind states, "Gatherings of adolescents are unique in the sense that each young person is simultaneously an actor and an audience to others."

The other egocentric concept is the personal fable, which compliments the imaginary audience. If this imaginary audience is so consumed with how this young person looks and acts then there must be something very unique and special about them. If there wasn't, then why would everyone be so interested in them? The adolescent's belief in his own immortal, personal uniqueness and "specialness" is the personal fable.

This "personal fable" can be a source of anguish for the adolescent as she believes that no one could possibly ever have felt like she does similarly nor can anyone possibly understand her. The personal fable can also be a source of an over-exaggerated belief in ones own ability or future possibilities. An adolescent can be a professional ball player or rock musician or succeed anywhere – because their lives embody some special story that is immortal, unique and heroic. The personal fable has also been useful in explaining the risk-taking behavior of adolescents such as unprotected sexual behavior, drug taking, driving too fast or while drunk despite a recognition of the potential consequences.

The personal fable embraces the belief that this can't possibly happen to me – I'm too special. It's easy to see how "The imaginary audience" and the "personal fable" can explain much of the uniquely "crazy" behavior we see in adolescents. At this stage of development adolescents still have limited empathy – the ability to put themselves in another persons shoes and compare another persons thoughts to their own. A large part of adolescence consists of developing the skills of empathy and adequate social perception.

The personal fable is reduced as adolescents develop intimate relationships, in these relationships they learn that what they are experiencing and feeling is not unique to them but is also experienced and felt by others.

The egocentrism of adolescence usually begins to decrease by around age 16, when the older adolescent gradually begins to separate their own perceptions from the perceptions of others. Not all adolescents succeed in dismantling the more negative aspects of adolescent egocentrism. I'm sure you all are familiar with adults who never left the adolescent phase of egocentrism behind and still act as if they are performing for an audience, and that the events in "their life" is more special and important than anyone else's.

Not all adolescent's experience these egocentric concepts to the same degree as others, but for those who do, how can you help your teen get through this normal developmental process?

The best way for you to help your child through this period is to remember your own adolescence and be as patient and empathetic as possible. Remember how difficult it was for you to make decisions. With the new found freedom and ability to make decisions comes the frightening possibility that the choices and decisions the adolescent is making is not the "right" one. Keep in mind prior to this time of life you made most if not all decisions for your child.

Although this new found thinking ability and the alternatives that now become possible can be very empowering and growth enhancing for your adolescent it can also create a lot of confusion. This could be the time when you share the feelings you had when faced with similar situations or embarrassing moments in your own adolescence. Don't communicate a dismissal attitude to your adolescent – relating how easy it is for them now and how much more difficult it was for you. Avoid, "when I was your age . . . ." Be empathic, although the issue they are presenting may border on the ridiculous – it is very real for your adolescent now as it was for you then. We can now look back on our adolescence and the inane behavior and exaggerated emotions we experienced as just that ridiculous, but retrospection takes the passage of time.

Have patience it will come – for some it takes longer. I remember relating how I could never understand why my father and I had difficulty working together and didn't get along well during my adolescence, when my son become 14 – I understood. Attempting to push your reality based perspective on your adolescent will only confirm for her that you "just don't understand" and break the often fragile bonds of communication that exist between parents and young people. Just listen – keep in mind that what she is experiencing, as illogical and silly as it seems, is very real for her. Her feeling of being different and her need to be like everyone else and be accepted are the issues she is struggling with at this point in her life. As she experiences the ups and downs of adolescence, she will begin to realize that what she is thinking, feeling and experiencing is shared by others and not only by her.

We can't prevent our adolescents from experiencing the painful self-consciousness that comes with being a teenager or even the mistakes we would like to see them avoid, however the quality of the relationship between parents and adolescence and the support given by parents through this often difficult period can lead to greater reality based thinking and less egocentric behavior.

Paul Schwartz, Ph.D., is Professor of Psychology and Education at Mount Saint Mary College in Newburgh. His child behavior column appears each month in Capital District & Hudson Valley Parent magazine. He can be reached at editor@excitingread.com.

As a child grows into adolescence, however, this egocentrism becomes very different from what it was in childhood.

One aspect of the newly developed thinking ability of adolescence is called metacognition, the capacity to think about thinking. The development of metacognition allows the adolescent to not only think about his or her own thoughts, but also to think about the thoughts of others. When this ability first develops the adolescent has difficulty differentiating between his own thoughts and the thoughts of others.

This newly developed way of thinking includes the capacity to engage in introspection and the resulting, increased self-consciousness. This enhanced way of thinking plays an important role in self-examination, a major developmental task of this period and an important skill that helps the adolescent to develop a clear, consistent identity. This advanced introspection leads the adolescent toward long periods of self-absorption, which in the long run serves him well with the tasks of identity development and decision-making, but often results in initial egocentric problems.

Adolescents are like stage performers exaggerating the extent to which they believe others think about them, feeling each day they are going out to meet a captive audience.

Not all adolescents succeed in dismantling the more negative aspects of adolescent egocentrism. I'm sure you all are familiar with adults who never left the adolescent phase of egocentrism behind and still act as if they are performing for an audience, and that the events in "their life" is more special and important than anyone else's.

 By: Dr. Paul Schwartz  Orig Posted: 01/01/2004

When asked what he thought about cosleeping – when parents allow their children to sleep in their bed – he had some interesting comments. Here's what he had to say:

* 20th century child rearing experts advocate the nighttime separation of baby and parents early in the child's development. Dr. Spock recommends moving baby out of parent's room early in the first year of life "otherwise they may become dependent on the arrangement."

* Co-sleeping is common around the globe and in rural parts of the U.S. In Japan, children sleep with parents until early childhood, then in the same room until adolescence

* Among the cultures that advocate cosleeping, the belief is that cosleeping provides an intimate bond between parent and child. In these cultures children will often fall asleep in the midst of social activities and are then carried to bed.

* Bedtime struggles in the U.S. may be related to the stress youngsters in American homes experience when they are required to go to sleep alone – usually requiring elaborate rituals taking most of the evening. American parents are interested in developing early independence and protecting their own privacy.

* The issue is cultural – most middle class American parents see their infants as dependent beings who must be urged to independence. Other cultures, as well as people in the U.S., see infants as separate little beings that need to develop an independent relationship with the greater community to survive.

* Kids in cultures that advocate cosleeping have fewer incidences of sleep problems (getting to sleep or staying asleep) or anxiety about bedtime.

 By: Dr. Paul Schwartz  Orig. Posted: 06/01/2003

How can I get my eight-year-old to clean his room? What's the best way to keep my three-year-old from putting her hand in the VCR? My six-year-old teases his brother; what is the best way to handle it?

Child psychologist Diana Baumrind conducted a long-term research study on parenting styles and its effect on child's behavior. Baumrind identified four primary parenting styles. They are as follows:

a) Permissive Parenting: These parents make few demands on their child. They are often tolerant and accepting of most of their children's behavior, setting minimal or no boundaries or rules of conduct. This style seems to produce a child who is impulsive, immature, prone to tantrums, demanding and has poor social skills.

b) Authoritarian Parenting: This style of parenting has a high degree of control, rigid limit setting and boundaries, and a demand for compliance. Parents set rigid rules and standards of conduct for children to obey. They do not encourage "give and take"; rather, they value obedience "because I say so." They use punitive discipline measures – even physical abuse when rules are broken. Children from this style seem to be less independent, less capable of self-control and more anxious and aggressive.

c) Uninvolved Parents: This style is similar to the permissive parent where the parent makes few demands on the child; however, these parents are characterized as being unresponsive, neglecting or rejecting. These parents spend less time with and energy on their children than any other style. They have little interaction with their children, and act as parents more out for their own comfort and conscience than anything else. Children that emerge from this model are often non-compliant, withdrawn and have difficulty developing adaptive social relationships.

d) Authoritative Parenting: These parents encourage verbal input from their children regarding family rules and the boundaries set by parents. They are warm and supportive of the individual needs of their children, but also value the conformity to the families rules and attempt to bring it about by exerting consistent and firm but not excessive control. Children of authoritative parents have been shown to be more sociable, independent, confident and have better social skills than the other three styles.

Authoritative parenting appears to produce the best outcomes for children because these parents attempt to maintain a balance between boundaries and control and warmth and respect – and they encourage their children to do the same. They also engage in what researchers believe characterizes the optimal parent/child relationship: reciprocity, or the ability for parents and children to engage in respectful exchanges or ideas and feelings.

What discipline strategy and parenting style is used will determine whether a child internalizes family values and a code of conduct, or complies out of fear or out of desire for rewards. To make disciplinary tactics most effective, they should be consistent, without threatening in any way the child's well being, and occur as soon as possible after the occurrence of misbehavior.

Paul Schwartz, Ph.D., is Professor of Psychology and Chairperson of the Division of Social Sciences at Mount Saint Mary College in Newburgh.

 By: Dr. Paul Schwartz  Orig. Posted: 07/01/2001

 By: Dr. Paul Schwartz  Orig. Date: 07/01/2005

In the June issue of Hudson Valley Parent Dr. Schwartz addresses peer rejection in childhood and how it can affect children throughout their lives. Here he follows up with a discussion on aggression and how parents can thwart aggressive behavior in their children.

Parents need to recognize that usually behind the aggressive act are very strong angry feelings or some event or person that has frustrated the child. Children should not be made to feel guilty or ashamed of their angry feelings. Parents should accept what their child is feeling and help the child learn appropriate ways of coping with anger and frustration and acceptable ways to express these feelings.

Accepting your child's feelings doesn't mean accepting your child's actions. Generally, most children want to and will conform to parental expectations, especially if these expectations are delivered clearly in a warm and accepting manner conveying respect for what the child is experiencing. Telling a child once, twice, or even three or more times may not result in "success". Children are self-centered and want immediate responses to their needs, especially angry or frustrated ones. Self-control of feelings doesn't come naturally; it must be taught, and it takes time, energy and patience. For children biologically predisposed to problems with impulse control it takes longer.

Keep in mind as you read the "packaged" approaches and multitude of books on controlling aggression that, just as one size doesn't fit all, one method will not work with all children.

It wasn't long ago that it was believed that aggression was just a means of letting off steam and that aggression in childhood can be prevented by having a child channel this behavior into other areas such as hitting a punching bag or watching some aggressive TV show. This theory was known as catharsis.

Research has indicated, however, that viewing TV violence increases rather than decreases the probability of aggression and that children have failed to catharing" aggressive behavior by engaging in high activity behavior. Today, for aggressive children the focus of most programs is on teaching control and alternative modes of responding rather than letting off steam somewhere else.

What parents can do about aggression in kids

With these ideas in mind, where does a parent begin? As I mentioned last month, the proving ground for most aggressive behavior (although possibly having a biological predisposition) starts within the family. This doesn't mean that parents intentionally teach or reward aggression in their children; however, they may inadvertently encourage aggressive behavior.

As a means of stopping their children from becoming aggressive some parents may become too controlling of their child's actions. Too much control may result in increased aggression and oppositional behavior, as aggression may be the only way a child has of asserting himself. This "authoritarian" style also doesn't teach a child how to behave - it just tells him he needs to control his aggression or else (the "or else" being some form of punishment).

Parents who rely on spanking and punishment as a regular means of discipline may suppress aggressive behavior in the short term; however, physical punishment is not a desirable or successful long-term strategy, especially if it is very harsh or frequent. Physical punishment has a greater degree of negative side effects.

Be a positive role model

The most useless management postulate that parents can use is "do as I say, not as I do" –children do as their parents do! Think of your behavior when encouraging what you desire of your child's behavior. Children who are managed aggressively imitate the adult models who punish them. A child who is hit by an angry parent learns to deal with his own anger or frustration in a similar manner.

Research indicates that even moderate use of aggression such as spanking increases the very behavior parents are looking to control. It also creates only an external control mechanism, and doesn't help the child develop a means of coping with the problem that created the misbehavior in the first place.

On the other side of the spectrum lies the permissive parent, who may be too accepting of their child's impulses and aggressive behavior. These parents may use too little control over their child, trusting in their child's ability to control his own behavior and act appropriately with other children.

While we are not here to over-control our children, under-control can prove almost as problematic. Too much permission or looking the other way can be seen as inadvertently rewarding aggressive behavior. Children see that if nothing happens when they are aggressive, it must be OK. Children not prone to aggression see this inadvertent "reward" for aggression other children receive and may also release the controls they had on their impulses.

Inconsistent management can also have the same or similar effects. Being inconsistent may result in a child thinking "will I get away with it this time?". How many of us would still speed on the highway if we got a speeding ticket every time we went over the posted limit? When rules have been established they need to be clearly understood and consistently enforced, certainly recognizing that there may at times be mitigating factors. Don't make discipline a platform for Monty Hall's show Let's Make a Deal.

Parenting is as much an art as it is a science. Staying away from either of the extremes in behavior management mentioned is a good starting place ton help manage aggressive behavior when it happens. There is also a well-worn maxim that bears some clarification – "catch them being good". Rewarding pro-social or "good" behavior "catching them being good" is indeed a good behavioral technique for increasing desired behavior, but researchers tell us that catching them being good is not enough, especially when dealing with aggression.

Many children behave in a hostile and uncooperative fashion because they are "socially unskilled". That is, they are not very good at solving interpersonal problems. In addition to rewarding appropriate behavior children who were made aware of the consequences of their behavior, given explanations of why the behavior needs to be done and why they should behave this way and additionally had adults model the ways they desired their children to imitate were more inclined to decrease aggression and act prosocially than children who were only rewarded for being good!

The flip side of "catch them being good" sometimes is interpreted as "ignore aggressive behavior". While ignoring some behaviors is a good technique, not so for aggression. Do not ignore aggressive acts. Even when children don't escalate an aggressive action like being shoved or having a toy taken from him, always intervene, making it clear that aggression is not acceptable. Ignoring any aggression may send a message to that child that aggression is a behavior that is tolerated, as well as sending that same message to other children who may have witnessed the action.

Other techniques and activity that have been effective and may prove helpful are the following:

• Help children understand and verbalize what they are feeling. Don't underestimate the power of talk.

• Help a child develop alternate methods of dealing with conflict, frustration or anger. Go through various scenarios asking what she could do differently next time.

• Help a child to develop empathy. Be the broken record to your child by always asking "how do you think your sister feels when you do that"? Sooner or later it will help them change their thinking or behavior. If for no other reason than to keep you quiet.

Be patient, although anger is a normal emotion, aggressive behavior in childhood in most instances is a product of learning. If aggression is learned, with patience and appropriate responses to childhood instances it can be unlearned and appropriate behavior taught. Children don't learn to read overnight. Don't expect them to unlearn aggressive behavior overnight either.

Paul Schwartz, Ph.D., is Professor of Psychology and Education at Mount Saint Mary College in Newburgh. His child behavior column appears each month in Capital District & Hudson Valley Parent magazine.

 By: Dr. Paul Schwartz  Orig. Date: 02/01/2005

According to many professionals, the corruption of children's play starts early by the merchandisers who view children as a market to be exploited. A recent article states that about $50 million a year is spent on software programs for children. A large percentage of this money is spent on 'lapware' computer programs geared toward children 6 months to 2 years of age. It is called 'lapware' because the child sits on the parent's lap, and the parent is provided a large cushioned mouse for the child to push.

According to the professionals, those who write and market software programs are deficient in their understanding of what children learn and when they learn it. Many professionals believe that much of the software made for young children either instructs the child in something she already knows or attempts to teach the child a skill that is beyond her ability to learn.

Many professionals concur that most of these programs are a waste of time and money. Others believe that in addition to wasting time and money, these systems are potentially harmful. Because of infants' underdeveloped visual system and the unknown effects of watching the over-stimulated images on a computer or T.V. screen, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that young children not watch TV or be exposed to computer screens.

Other professionals echo these concerns, adding that the use of computers don't match the learning style of young children and are not a good match for the skills they are learning to master. Educational psychologist Jane Healey, a harsh critic of computers for young children, goes a step further stating that children shouldn't be exposed to computers until the age of seven. She writes, "The minute we introduce an artificially engaging stimulus with fast paced visuals, startling noises, silly scenarios and easy excitement the brain is directed away from its natural developmental tasks."

There is no evidence that computers give infants and young children any academic head start. Proponents of early introduction to academics say that these programs introduce children to the ABCs, to numbers, to color recognition and other basic skills that will help them when they enter school.

Sesame Street has been on the air for 30 years and children today learn their numbers and letters earlier than ever before, but this early learning has not translated into better reading and math skills. Reading and math scores have stagnated or declined since 1970, with the largest decline being in basic literacy. If TV has not been successful in improving children's reading and math skills, why should computers?

Paul Schwartz, Ph.D., is Professor of Psychology and Education at Mount Saint Mary College in Newburgh. His child behavior column appears each month in Hudson Valley Parent magazine.

 By: Dr. Paul Schwartz  Orig. Date: 07/01/2003

How can I get my eight-year-old to clean his room? What's the best way to keep my three-year-old from putting her hand in the VCR? My six-year-old teases his brother; what is the best way to handle it?

These are among the hundreds of questions I'm asked regarding the use of discipline with children. There are scores of books on discipline and even more methods of how to discipline your youngsters that are "guaranteed" to work! Effective discipline requires thinking, planning and patience and, above all, flexibility. In other words, what worked when he was 8 will not work now that he is 13.

Most parents usually think of punishment when they think of discipline, but the two are not synonymous. Punishment is only one form of discipline (which I will talk about in next month's column).

Discipline is a process – a process used by parents to alter a child's behavior or attitude. Discipline is both a means of educating a child and a means of guidance. Helping a child to behave in an acceptable manner is a necessary part of raising a child and is truly one of the "arts" or parenting.

Children engage in appropriate behavior based on either internal or external controls. They may comply with parental demands because they know that they will be rewarded or punished for their actions – this is external control. Or they may internalize the demands placed on them by parents – this is obedience based on incorporating the values and standards set for them by parents as their own, or internal control. In other words, with internalized control children respond appropriately because they want to rather than comply because they have to.

How parents use discipline

Whether our children internalize our wishes or comply out of fear of punishment depends on the ways in which we as parents use discipline. Most developmental psychology research lists the following three categories of discipline as the most common:

1. Power/Control – This includes using some type of physical force, threat of physical force or taking away possessions or privileges from a child. Children who live under the constant threat of physical violence or are the recipients of frequent harsh punishment are at risk for a number of behavioral and psychological problems, including conduct problems, delinquency, socialization problems and depression.

Solely using rewards to control children's behavior also falls under this category. While certainly more benign than the use of physical force, rewards alone are not without their potential side-effects. (See article on Risk of Rewards at excitingread.com). For instance, children may only comply when they get the reward and not demonstrate the desired behavior in any other setting. They may look at the reward as "bribery" for correct behavior ("If you do this I'll give you something"). They become controlled from without, not from their own internal motivation.

2. Love Withdrawal – A parent ignores, withholds or demonstrates a lack of love or concern for the child. Children usually behave when faced with the threat of losing their parent's affection; however, the anxiety and fear of abandonment, rejection or isolation that this method produces within the child can have significant consequences.

3. Inductive Reasoning – Parents use explanation, reasoning and verbal communication in order to develop appropriate behavior in their children. They may explain the "whys" of rules – "this rule is imposed to keep you safe." Or they may explain the moral implications or personal ramifications of the desired behavior – "It's nice and it makes mommy happy when you help." Parents may also use this technique to develop empathy in their child – "How do you think your brother feels when you call him names?"

Research tells us that this technique seems to result in the most sociable child with the most internalized values and behavior. However, it may result in what I call the "Monty Hall Syndrome": with too much reasoning and discussion "no" does not have a superlative value and every desire for correct behavior from parents may produce "Let's Make a Deal" from their children.

What's your parenting style?

Child psychologist Diana Baumrind conducted a long-term research study on parenting styles and its effect on child's behavior. Baumrind identified four primary parenting styles. They are as follows:

a) Permissive Parenting: These parents make few demands on their child. They are often tolerant and accepting of most of their children's behavior, setting minimal or no boundaries or rules of conduct. This style seems to produce a child who is impulsive, immature, prone to tantrums, demanding and has poor social skills.

b) Authoritarian Parenting: This style of parenting has a high degree of control, rigid limit setting and boundaries, and a demand for compliance. Parents set rigid rules and standards of conduct for children to obey. They do not encourage "give and take"; rather, they value obedience "because I say so." They use punitive discipline measures – even physical abuse when rules are broken. Children from this style seem to be less independent, less capable of self-control and more anxious and aggressive.

c) Uninvolved Parents: This style is similar to the permissive parent where the parent makes few demands on the child; however, these parents are characterized as being unresponsive, neglecting or rejecting. These parents spend less time with and energy on their children than any other style. They have little interaction with their children, and act as parents more out for their own comfort and conscience than anything else. Children that emerge from this model are often non-compliant, withdrawn and have difficulty developing adaptive social relationships.

d) Authoritative Parenting: These parents encourage verbal input from their children regarding family rules and the boundaries set by parents. They are warm and supportive of the individual needs of their children, but also value the conformity to the families rules and attempt to bring it about by exerting consistent and firm but not excessive control. Children of authoritative parents have been shown to be more sociable, independent, confident and have better social skills than the other three styles.

Authoritative parenting appears to produce the best outcomes for children because these parents attempt to maintain a balance between boundaries and control and warmth and respect – and they encourage their children to do the same. They also engage in what researchers believe characterizes the optimal parent/child relationship: reciprocity, or the ability for parents and children to engage in respectful exchanges or ideas and feelings.

What discipline strategy and parenting style is used will determine whether a child internalizes family values and a code of conduct, or complies out of fear or out of desire for rewards. To make disciplinary tactics most effective, they should be consistent, without threatening in any way the child's well being, and occur as soon as possible after the occurrence of misbehavior.

Adaptive discipline doesn't create excessive anxiety but rather helps children learn about the consequences of their actions and helps them become socially adaptive in all situations. Keep in mind that all children in a family are different and may respond very differently to the same tactic than their siblings.

Paul Schwartz, Ph.D., is Professor of Psychology and Education at Mount Saint Mary College in Newburgh. His child behavior column appears each month in Hudson Valley Parent magazine.