by Nancy Phelps
When I was 12 I knew I was going to grow up and have 6 children. It wasn’t my plan, it was just my destiny…or so I thought. Maybe I should have taken more time to actually work on a plan. The plan, most likely, would have included giving birth to my first child before I turned 35.
Well, with no plan in place, my actual destiny took over. I had my first, and only, child when I was 36. Even then I didn’t see the writing on the wall. I had always heard of the dreaded clock, but I wasn’t worried. As far as I was concerned I was still young. Heck, I was even able too get back into my pre-pregnancy weight before my child’s first birthday. It was the clock that no one tells you about that really fouled up my idea of having the 6 kids. You know, the clock that speeds up time after you have a child. All of the sudden the day is gone and you have not accomplished anything. You know, the clock that makes you turn 40 before you can even get dinner on the table. It was that clock that goofed up my plans.
I remember once when my daughter was about two my brother came to visit and I told him I was tired. He looked at me with a strange look in his eyes and said, “Just wait, you’ll see.”
“What?” I asked incredulously.
My brother, who was 38 when he had his first child, answered “It’s tough to have a child when you are old.”
Old? Was I old? I was only 36 years older than my daughter. How was I supposed to know that that meant I would not be able to sit cross-legged with her on the floor, or that I would have more in common with the grandparents of her play dates, or that she would tuck me in most nights by the time she was nine years old.
I learned that having a child IS hard when you are old. You do get tired, but I had some things at age 36 that I did not have when I was young. They were, patience, experience, wisdom, maturity, and a better understanding of the human animal. I was also able to quit my job and savor every moment of my child’s early years.
I think being an older parent makes me better prepared to step back from my daughter’s life and let her make her own decisions. I see myself as more of her guide than her leader. I had many of life’s experiences long before my daughter was born and I think this has made me more willing to let her make her own mistakes.
Today, my daughter is 14 and I that makes me 50 if you do the math. She started High School this year and I told her she was on her own in the morning. She has to get herself up because I just can’t do it. She doesn’t mind because she knows she can stay up as late as she wants since I am asleep long before she hits the hay. I don’t think she minds that I am old, but she hates that I have let my hair go gray. I don’s know if that is because she just doesn’t like what it looks like, or if it just isn’t cool to have a mother with gray hair.
Recently my daughter came home from a friend’s house laughing hysterically. Apparently, while playing Trivia Pursuit, she got a question that started out: “Back in the 70s when your grandparents were kids…” She thought this was funny. Well, I was a kid in the 70s and I’m not her grandparent I’m her mother. As far as I am concerned I am still a kid, and that’s easy because my daughter keeps me young.